3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
