I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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