then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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