R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
