hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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