her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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