The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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