I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
