Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize