How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
