So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
