So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
