i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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