I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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