goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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