i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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