so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
