Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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