I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
