Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
