I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I could make wine with my vomit
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
