We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize