do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
