this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize