I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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