last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i think im in europe. pls send help
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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