Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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