Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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