matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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