I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
