my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
