You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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