david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
