Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize