Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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