i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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