He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
