We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
