quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize