he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
