It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
