Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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