I'm gonna have a badass scar
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
