Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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