I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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