No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
