I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize