a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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