I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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