if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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