Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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