Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
