I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
