Nicole vs. Life
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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