Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize