there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
