i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
