I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
