upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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