woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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