Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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