I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
