last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
