Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
