great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
