wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
