just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
