now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
