I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
