sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize