Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
