Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They took my balls.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
