On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
