NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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