I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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