Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
