Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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