Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize