ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My balls are so social today.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have so many feelings about this burrito
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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