Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
