Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
