My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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