I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
