even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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