Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
