Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
