just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
