Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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