Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
