I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
