Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Are these your boobs on my camera?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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