Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
