Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
