She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
