something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
not ubering you a puppy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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