Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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