aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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