laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
