I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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