Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
