ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
