I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize