I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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