I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
