the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
