i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize