I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
