I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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