No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize