If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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