I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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