You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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