spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
