My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
